You don’t need to forgive to heal

Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to forgive your abuser to heal. In fact, it can be detrimental to your healing process. You're entitled to feel anger, rage, and even wish terrible things upon the person who harmed you. None of these emotions hinder your healing, nor do they make you a bad person.

The notion of "forgiveness is for yourself" is often applied to many situations, but it doesn't apply to healing from an abusive relationship. Forgiveness can force victims/survivors to absolve perpetrators of their wrongdoing and trivialise the enormity of their actions. Abusers don't deserve forgiveness; they deserve to be forgotten. I prefer removing "forgive" from "forgive and forget."

Feeling the rage of the injustice committed against you can expedite your healing process. It allows you to purge your emotions rather than burying them, which could resurface later.

Well-meaning people may encourage you to keep the lines of communication open, but you can't heal in the same environment that caused you harm. Just as a burn cannot heal while exposed to flames, you must retreat to a safe space outside of its perimeters to heal.

It's crucial to create a safe haven for yourself away from abuse and manipulation. You need a sanctuary to collect yourself, restore, and, most importantly, heal.

The abuser should never have access to you again.

It's time to prioritise yourself.